Heroes

(This is me 😄)

 

I have been reading off and on about trauma therapy.  One of the most effective ways of processing a traumatic incident in a healthy way is to retell the story with yourself as a hero instead of a victim.  Also, it is therapeutic to re-experience an incident (through recall or EMDR or another method) and view yourself with mercy and empathy - to imagine the person you were then being loved and cared for.

Those were the ideas that I had been pondering when one of the students I work with at PHS had an upsetting legal incident this semester.  It was distressing for him and both traumatic and therapeutic for me.  It was very similar to the experience we had with our son at Irving.

When the student first got caught he was upset and ashamed.  "I'm going to jail.  I deserve to have the book thrown at me," were the kinds of things he was saying.

I told him the story of the Sheep Stealer vs. the Saint.  I have looked, but I haven't been able to find the original story online, and I don't remember where I read it.  Probably in one of those books of LDS stories that other youth used for talks when I was growing up and my mom forbid me to ever use for a talk. But I loved to read them.  The story, as I remember it, is that a couple of youth stole some sheep.  To punish them, the town branded them both on their foreheads with a big S, for sheep stealer, so that no one would ever trust them again.  One boy fell into a life of crime, never amounted to much, and was miserable the rest of his life.  

(At this point in the story, my student scratched a big S on his forehead.  "Wait," I said, "Keep listening.")

The other boy worked as hard as he could, both employment-wise and in doing good things for other people, to make up for the wrong he had done.  He was often found doing service around the town and helping people out.  

Many, many years later, a visitor in town observed the now-grown man helping someone and asked a resident of the town why the man had an S on his forehead.  "That stands for Saint," the resident answered.

I encouraged the student to do what he could to make up for what he had done, and to rewrite his story with himself as the hero.  I told him that in his heart and mine, he would always be a saint to me.

There are a lot of wonderful and funny experiences associated with this that I would love to tell you in person if you ask.  But I don't want to give any identifying information online.

It was very traumatic for me to sit with the student through his interview with the assistant principal and the SRO.  But it was also very healing for me to view him and his parents with empathy and sympathy.  I felt so bad for what they were going through, and I wanted to help.  It helped me to have a better perspective on the things that I went through with my son.

The student took my words to heart deeply.  When he went home, he immediately went to work on a book of creatures (such as D&D or video game creatures).  Each had special powers, attributes, hit points, etc.  On page 100 of his book was a creature-master modeled after himself - the only one who could tame and control all of the evil creatures, and the leader of all of the good creatures.  The creature-master had the highest powers and was definitely the hero of the book.  

He brought the beginnings of the book to art class and worked on it when he had free time.  I had a wonderful time listening to him while coloring my own adult coloring pages, as he imagined and developed new creatures.  Sometimes I would tease him - "Dragons can't have wings that work in air and water!  That defies the laws of physics."  Well, they are magic creatures, so they don't have to follow the laws of physics.  But he sometimes adapted the creatures based on my criticism.

As he was nearing the end, he began to make new heroes, modeled after the teachers and staff who work most closely with him at PHS.  He talked with me while he worked on the creature-master modeled after me, the leader of the "Entrikai."  We developed the name together, and he explained attributes as he drew them.  

"And you'll have a sword," he said.  

"I can't have a sword.  I can't lift a sword.  The other night I tried to lift a foam sword that my kids were playing with, and I couldn't even lift that," I protested.

"It's magic," he persisted.

"I'm sorry, I can't imagine myself holding a sword, even with magic," I insisted.  He looked annoyed, but he acquiesced and gave the Entrikai leader a "light staff" instead. 

It was really fun.  Once he had created the heroes for the other staff members, I was with him as he started giving them to them.  We all shared our heroes and talked about what we liked about them.  It lifted all of our spirits to see ourselves as superheroes at the end of a long and stressful school year.

For me, though, it meant even more. Especially with all of the parallels to the experience with my son.  Although at first it reminded me of the trauma I felt going through the legal process with my son, as I viewed my student with mercy and empathy, I felt that mercy and empathy for myself and my son.  I was able to let go of the trauma that I didn't realize I was still carrying.  This is what I wrote about my student's incident shortly after it happened last month, and before he started making the heroes of the staff members:

"I felt so responsible and so powerless.  Like it was all my fault and I had no way to prevent or stop it.  Even if I had seen it coming, I had no power over the forces that brought it about.  It was not something I could have stopped.  And I would have stopped it if the foreknowledge and power were given to me.

"I felt like it was my responsibility to prevent it, even thought I couldn't have, even if I'd known.  And it is okay.  Now it is okay.

"Our society creates problems, then punishes the victims of the problems it creates.  That is the world we chose to come to.  That is one of the infuriating unfairnesses that Elder Renlund spoke about last year.  God sees it.  God knows what we have to go through, and He has the power to heal all of it.  He has the power to make even that turn out for our good.  He creates the grace and space for us to continue to love each other, even after bad things happen."

Afterward, as I worked with my student to create a superhero version of myself, I felt empowered.  Empowered to do good things, to help heal, to win a little of the fight against evil in the world.  As I tried to help my student have a hopeful and healthy vision of himself, he gave me a hopeful and helpful vision of myself and my son.  In trying to empower him for good, I received a much more powerful gift of healing and hope for me.

Here we are - my student and I as superheroes, envisioned and drawn by him:

Entrikin Breezegiver

"The Entrikai are a race of mostly female, nomadic tribeswomen that live in forests, grasslands, and clouds.  They are known for their sense of humor, kind nature, and their ability to control air and lightning.  They move as constantly as a breeze.  They keep stormhawks and sky mares as pets.  They prefer not to fight unless they have to, or if nature is being threatened.  They can fly.  They like to disarm, knock out, or confuse enemies, and they very rarely kill anything.

"They are great healers.  They have some authority over nebulae (cloud nymphs), aurae (wind nymphs), harpies (bird-like females that represent violent winds), and venti (storm spirits: ventus singular).  They use light wooden staffs.  They like to play pranks on enemies when they're invisible, such as messing up hair, blowing off hats, lifting and dropping things, and more.  They communicate from long distances via paper airplane letters.  They can also understand any creature that flies.  There are many males, too.  Their leader, Entrikin Breezegiver, wields the storm staff."

(This whole description was written by my student.  My only contribution was to insist that the Entrikai not be a female-only race, because I don't want to be alone - we had a big discussion about this and how could it be a self-perpetuating race if there were only females?!  Also, he changed my weapon to a "light staff," on my insistence that I couldn't and wouldn't hold a sword. 😂)

Alpha Draconian

"The Alpha Draconian is the leader of the Enlightened and the Draconians (half-human, half-dragon).  He is the father of a new, better, and stronger breed of Draconians.  His mortal enemy is Dralax, leader of the Endarkened and King of the Demons. Only the Alpha can use the 10 Draconic Relics!  They are The Sword of Dragons, The Speed of Lightning, The Axe of Fire, The Bow of Spirits, The Daggers of Ice, The Trident of Water, The Chobos of Plants, The Hammer of Earth, The Gauntlet of Magic, and The Shield of Air.  There are only 4,000 Draconians left in total, 400 in each clan.  This is because they were almost wiped out by the Demons. The Alpha's mate and eggs were destroyed then.  He has married a human female, who carries their son, who is the hope of the Draconians."