My Tree - Elementary Therapy

 

For six months, I was blessed to have this view every morning.  Except when it was raining or snowing or foggy or icy or below 10 degrees, so we had inside recess, which was way too often.

 

I stood at the door of the elementary school and greeted students as they came for breakfast.  I loved it!!  I loved smiling and greeting the kids.  I loved seeing them race to the door or run off to play on the playground.  I loved watching them play soccer next to the tree. 

 

The tree reminds me of a tree that I used to play under when I was in elementary school.  As I stood waiting for students to come to breakfast, I often thought about recesses when I was young, which were populated by my active imagination.  I had wonderful times at recess.

 

On some mornings at Tendoy I would process stuff going on in my life or things from the past that I was trying to figure out. That view is good for processing thoughts.

 

I sorted through a lot of personal issues in those six months.  I processed my grief over having to go to work six years before and not be a stay-at-home mom anymore.  I processed my trauma over everything we went through with Isaac in school.  There was a mom at Tendoy that reminded me of me and Isaac.  She was always at school with her son.  When she wasn't there, he was usually with the Behavior Tech, working on his behavioral issues.  On my last day I said to her that her son reminded me of mine.  Hang in there! I told her.  I smiled at her every time I saw her.  I remember that no adult ever smiled at me when I came to school as Isaac's mom. I hope I gave her a little encouragement.

 

I also sorted out my feelings about being a staff member at school.  I separated the things I loved and the things I hated.  I love smiling at kids.  I love seeing them and connecting with them.  I love hearing their stories.  One of my favorite things about standing on the playground every morning is that I could see them and hear them as much as I wanted.  They could tell me any story they wanted to, and I could listen to all of it and not have to tell them, "Shhh, it's time to listen."  In school it's always time for kids to listen - that was not my favorite part.  No matter how tired or sad or frustrated I was when I came to school, within 10 minutes of greeting students at the door, I was smiling and happy again.  Every day.  The only day I started crying and couldn't stop was the day that I knew I had to leave. 

 

It was good therapy, that tree.  When I went back to Pocatello High School, I went back with a whole new perspective.  I was surprised at how much I enjoyed being back at the high school after being at the elementary school. 

 

This was a year of "self-care" for me - standing by the tree and smiling at children as they come to school.  My heart is full of bright and beautiful memory treasures!

To the students at Tendoy, who are in my heart forever - "If my heart was a house, you'd be home!" (Owl City)