Mom, Dad, Jan, and Barb (Malachi and Molly in the foreground)
Mom, Dad, Josh, and I shared memories of Caleb. Mom shared the spiritual lessons that she learned from the experience. It was a very beautiful service.
Gideon and Malachi were both born after Caleb died, so they don't have personal memories of him. Malachi and Molly performed a song for the service, "Where Can I Turn for Peace?" Malachi and Molly were expecting their first baby this summer. They named him Caleb.
My notes from that day:
This morning we held a memorial service for Caleb, and Dad dedicated the newly re-interred grave.
I prepared some remarks, which Mom graciously allowed me to share. Dad conducted, and Mom told Caleb's story and the spiritual lessons she learned from the experience. She learned that God only gives good gifts. He wasn't punishing her. He weeps with her and loves her. Also that Caleb was a valiant spirit who only needed to come to Earth for a short time to gain a body and an eternal family, and he needed to experience pain.
She talked about how Caleb loved to make Josh and I laugh. I didn't remember that, but Josh did. She said he had a funny little nose that he would wrinkle up like a rabbit, and we would laugh and laugh. Josh said he remembers Caleb sitting in his high chair laughing and making us laugh.
I remember how smart he was – how he loved music and knew Primary songs. How he would say, “I do” and “I remember,” when we would sit around and talk. Also, he liked Neil Diamond's song, “Coming to America.” He would sing the “Today!” part. I think of that every time I hear that song.
I remember my baptism when I was 8 years old. We lived in Jerome, but we arranged for me to be baptized in Salmon with Grandma and Paa-aa and all the aunts and uncles. So all of this happened at a very impressionable time for me.
I remember driving around to look at farms with Mom and Dad. Such a happy, hopeful, exciting time!
Then we bought the house in Hunt! I remember it had a lot of trash in it before we moved in. Especially I remember the funny little bright, dark pink room. I remember we had to go every weekend to clean the house to get it ready to move in to.
I don't remember that Caleb was crying all the time, I only remember that Mom talked about that later on.
Then we moved into our big, wonderful house. I remember Mom saying that she refused to go to church in our new ward until someone came to our house and greeted us. I remembered that because I thought, "How will they know we are here if we don't go to church?" I guess they found out, because we did start attending the tiny little ward in the tiny little old building. I have many fond memories of that little ward in that little building. If Mom had known what immense love and strength were waiting for us there, I don't think she would have hesitated to attend that first week! My next memory is of Grandma Parsons staying with us. I remember her sitting down with Josh and me on our black couch in the living room and telling us that Caleb was paralyzed and wouldn't be able to move his legs or walk again.
Then I remember how happy we were when we found out the same way that Caleb had feeling in his feet! He would be able to walk!
I remember Easter with Caleb. He was home with us, and everything was all right again, I thought.
Soon it was time for the cattle drive. Josh and I were so excited for every cattle drive for all the excitement of going on a great adventure with our favorite cousins and all kinds of other friends and relatives. Josh and I went to Salmon for the cattle drive, just the same as every year. I think we went to Salmon with Grandma and Paa-aa. I remember that I was playing outside when Mom and Dad drove up a couple days after us. I was excited to see them and ran to meet them! Then I realized that Caleb was not with them. They told us gently that Caleb had passed away. And I cried.
Many times Mom talked to me about Caleb and Heaven. She and Dad often told us that if we would choose the right, we could see Caleb in Heaven some day and get to know him and live with him again. She told me how when we are resurrected, the children who died will be resurrected the same age they were on earth, and the parents still get to raise them! I couldn't wait for that day. And I wanted more than anything in the world to choose the right so that I could live in Heaven again with Caleb some day.
"Families Can Be Together Forever," is written on the headstone of Caleb's grave, and it became our transforming family goal.
Our family has a lot of hurts. Mom and Dad worked so hard to try to not pass on all the physical and emotional hurt they experienced in their lives. Then Caleb came. And suffered and died, and it was the biggest, deepest hurt that any of us had ever experienced, individually or collectively as a little family. And it changed us. Caleb became our family Savior, a very close and real symbol of Jesus Christ just for us. The vision of our destiny - to live together forever with Caleb and all the family members here on Earth that we love, and even with our Savior, Jesus Christ Himself, changed all of us. It brought joy and hope and purpose and direction for every other pain or trial we have experienced since.
This world is the hurting place! This is not the place we want to stay forever! We want to choose the right now so that we can all go to the place of healing and unlimited, unrestrained love and joy and peace and live there where Caleb is forever and ever!
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